To My Second Born Before You Turn One

February 8, 2016

Dear Zachy,

Tomorrow you turn one. It seems like just yesterday I "felt" I was pregnant and took five tests to confirm, I was, in fact, expecting. At the time, your brother was 9 months old, and while I was overly excited, I was overly nervous-- how could I love another child, considering the love I had for your brother was infinite? How was I going to balance mothering two small children, considering I was still a new mom just figuring stuff out?

But there you were in my belly, and I knew you were meant to be.

You were born so aware and wide-eyed, with a full head of hair and simply wanting to be snuggled. The moment you were born, I knew everything was going to be OK. In an instant, you taught me the heart has a way of expanding. In an instant, I fell in love all over again.

Your brother took to you immediately-- kissing you and pulling your hair (out of love, of course). I let him be a part of everything, as I didn't want him to feel excluded or jealous; changing your diaper, getting you dressed, etc. And even though you were a newborn, you had a sense of patience and understanding. You made things easy. And I thank you for that.

You are the most lovable baby in the world. You have eyes that shine, hair that's amazing, and a magnetic glow. Watching and witnessing your first year has been a privilege.

There's nothing that brings me greater joy than you and Nicholas playing and interacting. Nicholas was the first person to ever make you laugh, and he remains the #1 person to put a smile on your face. Your favorite toy is whatever Nicholas is playing with. You two crawl around the house. You boys hang in his crib together at night before going to bed (in matching PJs). You bounce in the trampoline together. You dance together. You two are really truly best friends, and more than anything, I want your bond to be forever strong and solid.

Za Za, your face can light up any room. Seriously, I could just watch you all day. You are tenacious, strong-willed, and strong. You are persistent in learning to walk and chasing balls around the house. Your squeal and laugh brings happy tears to my eyes. And speaking of eyes, yours smile whenever you are happy (which is the majority of the time).

My favorite thing about you is that you're a snuggler. You love to snuggle with me. We fit. You're my little magnet. Sometimes I think you like snuggling so much because we rarely get alone time, which is why I'll never complain about our 2am cuddle sessions. You always end up in bed with me and dad and I don't care. Our quiet time together is scarce, so I consider it sacred.

You sure are the second child, Zachy. Sometimes I have to let you cry while I tend to Nicholas. Sometimes I let you eat Cheerios off the floor… and sometimes I skip disinfecting the playground swings before putting you in. But I try really really hard to maintain a steady balance and make you and Nicholas both feel as important as you are to me: the most important things in the world. During the day, we're a trio-- a trio I am holding onto with all my might because I can't stop passing time.

Zachary, tomorrow you turn one. I want to press pause.

May your life be as beautiful as your heart and as sweet as your snuggles. May you always know how much you are loved. May you always remember you were meant to be. May you always have the strength to succeed at anything you want. May you stay forever young and always my baby.

I love you, sweet second son, who ties for first place in my heart.

Love,
Mama

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